


When a Page is Turned

by bitsnbobs



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Support, Triggers, mentions of child abuse, mentions of rape/non con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7565563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsnbobs/pseuds/bitsnbobs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Aaron, I know you have been to therapy before but I’d like to know what's brought you back now?”</p><p>Aaron had found his happiness. Robert and Liv. His mum. Paddy back. Great friends. Work going well... Then something happened. </p><p>But this isn't the story of how he lost his happiness. This is the story of how he learned to hold onto it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably going to be the most angsty story I have written and I am a tad nervous. Still, here's to trying new things....thank you for reading.

They'd gone out. Aaron, Adam, Vic and Finn. Not for any particular reason except maybe Vic's not so secret attempts to find Finn a boyfriend. Adam had sensed that this is what it would be and so had convinced Aaron to join. That way he wouldn’t be dragged into playing cupid quite as much as he was last time. The invitation had extended to Robert but he had declined due to late meetings; he kissed his boyfriend as he left though, telling him to enjoy himself.

They’d ended up in Bar West as usual but Vic was thrilled to see it was busier than most nights. “More options,” she had brightly told Finn as she hooked their arms together and led them to a table. Adam and Aaron had gone straight to the bar to get drinks and ended up staying there, laughing from a distance as Finn and Vic had some how ended up on the dancefloor. 

The night had been enjoyable. The night had been life at it's simplest...

...

“Aaron, I know you have been to therapy before but I’d like to know what's brought you back now?”

...

“He even dances like a nerd,” Aaron laughed, nodding towards Finn.

Adam snorted, “Bless him. He's trying.”

“Seems to be working on that guy,” Aaron said, tilting his head to another man who clearly had his eyes on Finn; watching him with a mixed look of curious amusement and undisguised lust.

Adam nodded, “Yeah, he is properly interested, isn't he? I wonder if my little matchmaker’s noticed.”

Aaron looked at Vic who was being spun around the floor by two guys, “She seems to be a bit distracted.”

Shaking his head at his wife, Adam smiled, “Best go and alert my dancing diva then.”

“Why not just tell Finn?” Aaron frowned.

“You kidding,” Adam said, already moving away, “That guy can not start conversations when he's had a drink. No, he needs a buffer.”

“Fair enough,” Aaron rolled his eyes at the fact that Adam, despite his protests, seemed just as intent on helping Finn as his wife was, “I'm off to the bog.”

“Right,” Adam said, although he wasn’t really listening anymore as he neared his wife. 

Aaron was vaguely aware of there being other blokes in the toilet as he went straight to use a cubical. When he came out of it though, he couldn’t help but notice the one guy still there. He was leaning against a patch of wall by the door and he watched as Aaron washed his hands. Aaron was immediately uncomfortable. He shifted from one foot to the other and hurried to finish his task. However after feeling the man's eyes look him up and down one more time, he snapped,

“Can I help you?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

The other man smirked, “Ahhh, come on, don’t be like that. Can’t a guy check a hot guy out? This is a gay bar after all.”

Aaron softened and he blushed a little too, “Oh right...erm...sorry, mate, but I already have a boyfriend.” He shrugged apologetically as the man's eyes dipped in disappointment and then made to step around him.

That's when the man grabbed his arm. 

Aaron froze under his grip. 

“Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know,” the man whispered, leaning in close.

“Get off me,” Aaron growled. He couldn’t even bring himself to make eye contact.

The man just squeezed his arm tighter, breathing into Aaron’s ear, “Come on, you know you want it.”

It took only a few seconds for Aaron to twist in the man’s grip and knee him in the groin; the man recoiling in pain and letting him escape. But stood, back against the wall of the club, trembling and terrified, Aaron felt like he had relived years.


	2. Chapter 2

Outside Bar West, Aaron went unnoticed as he clenched and unclenched his fists and attempted to get his breathing under control. The drunken revellers around him were far too interested in their own evening; laughing and joking without a care.

Aaron had a sudden urge to punch the wall.

Shaking his head, he walked across to a nearby bench. He had to get home. That's all he had to do. Get home. Fishing his phone out of his pocket with shaking fingers, he searched for Pete in his contacts. They'd used the Barton taxi firm to get them into town but he didn’t want to risk Ross turning up for him now. 

Pete answered and after a small lie, Aaron was relieved the man was on his way.

He just had to keep the lie up.

“Where have you been?” Adam asked Aaron as he returned inside, “You been in the bog this whole time?”

Aaron dipped his head, “Yeah...erm...look, I think I've got a dodgy...”

“Oh what?!” Adam grimaced.

“Yeah,” Aaron lied, although to be honest he was feeling sick, “I’ve rung Pete, mate.”

“Ahhh, mate,” Adam frowned and glanced over his friend. He didn’t look too good. He narrowed his eyes, “You sure you're alright?”

Aaron blinked, “I will be. Just need to go home.”

“Right, well, I'll come with you.”

“No, no, you stay here. Looks like Vic’s work is done,” he tipped his head to where Finn was snogging a guys face off, “You two enjoy the night together.”

“You sure?”

“I’ve got Robert at home. Not to mention my mum,” Aaron told him.

Adam laughed at that, “Fair enough, mate.” He reached across and squeezed Aaron’s shoulder, “Shouldn’t have eaten that Kebab, lad.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. 

Back outside, he returned to leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes but found he had to fight back tears as that just caused memories to flick passed like a nightmare kaleidoscope. 

He wondered briefly why he hadn’t told Adam the truth. 

...

“Why didn’t you tell your friends the truth?”

“Because....because nothing actually happened, did it? I got rid of the guy easily.”

“Aaron, I think a lot happened.”

“I know that now.”

...

Why ruin Adam, Vic and Finn's night because he was weak and couldn’t handle it?

“Aaron?” Pete's voice shouted over, “Are you getting in or what?”

Looking up, Aaron saw that Pete was leaning against his cab, gesturing to an open back door.

“Sorry, I'd let you sit upfront but Ross left a load of crap there,” Pete shrugged. 

“The back is fine,” Aaron mumbled and he climbed into the taxi without another word.

Pete raised his eyebrows but then figured Aaron wasn’t big on words most of the time and if he wasn’t feeling well then that was probably why he was extra quiet. He jumped back into the drivers seat and set off accepting that it wouldn’t be a journey filled with conversation.

They were half way down one of the many country lanes leading to Emmerdale when Pete glanced through his mirror to find he couldn’t see Aaron properly anymore. Each time Pete had looked before, Aaron had his chin rested on his jacket sleeve covered hand and he was staring out of the window. Not seeing this, he risked turning in his seat. Aaron was leant forward, head in hands,

“Are you alright, mate?” Pete asked, urgently.

Aaron sat up slightly and shook his head, “No. Stop the car.”

“You what?”

“Just stop the car!”

Pete pulled over and Aaron flung the door open. The sound of retching was heard immediately.

“Woah...you really aren’t well, are you?” Pete frowned, as he watched the younger man finish vomiting by the side of the road. His concern only grew when Aaron proceeded to sit down, pull his knees up to his chest and cry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the kudos and feedback so far. You are all lovely and encouraging :-)

Pete looked around, desperately hoping that someone else would appear to help. A particularly loud sob from Aaron made him focus. He was being selfish; the only thing that mattered was making sure Aaron got home safely.

He crouched down next to the vulnerable young man. Not knowing what had caused this devastation, Pete found he lacked words to say. He settled on using the man’s name in the hopes that he would at least look at him.

“Aaron? Aaron.. “ he whispered softly.

Nothing. He tentatively reached out a hand.

“Don’t,” Aaron immediately shifted backwards from him but there was now eye contact.

“Ok, ok,” Pete took his hand away and held it up with the other so Aaron could see that he wasn't going to try again.

The younger man watched him through red rimmed eyes. “I don't...I can't...” he stumbled over his words.

Pete nodded, however, understanding from the expressive blue eyes that were staring at him almost pleadingly.

“It’s ok,” Pete told him, gently, “You don’t have to tell me, alright? I won’t ask. I just want to make sure you get home safely.”

The older man was pleased to see Aaron visibly un-tense slightly at his words. He had got something right. He decided to try and broach something else, “I think...I mean...Do you want me to ring ahead so Robert is there for you?”

Aaron narrowed his eyes and Pete wondered for a second if he had presumed too much. But then Aaron started reaching a shaking hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. He held it out.

Pete took it with a soft smile. Finding 'Robert', he pressed dial.

“Hello? Aaron?” The voice on the other end of the phone was sleepy.

“Hey, Robert. It's Pete.”

“Pete? Why have... Where’s Aaron?” Robert sounded more alert in an instant.

Pete sighed, “Aaron’s here. He's safe. It's just...he's upset and he could really-“

Suddenly the phone was taken from his hand.

“Robert?” Aaron said quietly.

“Aaron? Aaron is that you?” 

“Yeah, it's me,” Aaron confirmed before crying into the phone, “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.”

...

“Why did you apologise?”

“Waking him up, putting everything on him again...what happened in the toil-“

“That wasn’t your fault, Aaron. And Robert is your boyfriend. Was he angry with you?”

“No. No, he told me he loved me.”

“There you go.”

...

Robert knew the anguish in Aaron's voice. He had heard it during Gordon's trial. He hoped he'd never have to hear it again.

“Aaron, listen to me. I love you. You don’t have to be sorry. I'll be here for you when you get home, ok? I love you.”

Pete couldn’t hear what Robert was saying but whatever it was obviously helped as a smile graced Aaron’s features briefly. The younger man whispered a “thank you” and then the phone was being handed back,

“Hey?” Pete said to Robert.

“Hey, Pete, how far off are you?”

“10 minutes.”

“Ok, ok...” there was a pause and Pete felt like he could hear Robert thinking, “It should be ok. Erm, look, just try not to touch him and I'll be waiting.”

“Alright,” Pete agreed, already knowing what reaction an attempt at touch could bring but briefly intrigued by what ‘should be ok' but not asking, “We’ll see you in a bit.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, “And Pete? Thanks.”

“No problem,” Pete replied, hanging up. He returned his focus to Aaron who was pulling self-consciously at his jacket-sleeves which were once again over his hands.

“I’ll move Ross's crap so you can sit upfront,” he said, tilting his head.

Aaron nodded. 

It wasn’t long before they got home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flipped it a little here...
> 
> Once again thank you so much for the feedback. It means a lot. Love you all.

(Robert's side...)

 

As soon as he hung up the phone, Robert slid out of bed and threw on a T-shirt and sweat pants. He then crept downstairs as quietly as possible. Even though it was past midnight, he could still hear the TV playing from behind the closed door of the living room. Charity was still in there with her date then. It was what he was considering on the phone to Pete; he needed them out of the way. He tapped on the door but didn’t wait for a response before opening it. 

He was greeted with the sight of Charity straddling her guy on the sofa. She immediately narrowed her eyes at Robert.

“What are you doing?” she hissed, readjusting her top.

“I need a word,” Robert told her, gesturing to the hall.

Charity’s eyes widened, “Can it not wait?”

“No,” Robert replied firmly, moving back into the hall to wait for her. He could hear Charity apologising to her flustered date and then she joined him at the bottom of the stairs, closing the door behind her.

“Well?” she snapped, voice low, “This better be good.”

Robert sighed, “I need you to clear out.”

“Erm... excuse me? You all agreed the backroom was mine tonight.”

“I know,” Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, “But Aaron’s on his way home and-“

Charity rolled her eyes, “You have a perfectly good room upstairs.”

“So do you,” Robert shot back.

“I’m on a first date, I hope you're not suggesting-“

“Charity, you were just on top of him on the sofa. No, no,” Robert shook his head, “I’m not getting into this. Haven’t got time. Aaron needs me.”

Something in Robert’s tone caught Charity’s attention, “What’s happened?”

Robert regarded her for a second. Charity did have a soft spot where Aaron was concerned. “I don't know. All I know is something has upset him. We're talking...Gordon upset. Pete’s bringing him home.”

“Oh my God,” Charity instantly grasped the seriousness of the situation. She ran a comforting arm down Robert’s arm, “Just give me one minute, alright? I'll get rid.” She turned and reached for the door handle but then she turned back, tilting her head to upstairs, “What about Chas?”

“If I need her or he needs her then I'll wake her,” Robert answered, honestly.

Charity nodded, “He’ll be ok. He's strong is our Aaron.”

“Yeah, he is,” Robert agreed. Although in the back of his mind, somewhere, the thought that perhaps Aaron would benefit from a little extra help was already forming. 

It was a thought that grew over the next week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for your continued support :-)

“You told Robert that night? When you got home?”

“Yeah...I hated it.”

“It can’t have been easy.”

“No. Well, yes...it wasn't that. I just...we had moved on.”

“Moved on from...?”

“I don’t know. This. I suppose. Me...having meltdowns.”

“You being here isn't a step backwards, Aaron.”

“That's what Robert said.”

“I like the sound of your boyfriend.”

“I'll not tell him that he's got a big enough ego as it is.”

“He’s right though.”

“Yeah...I love him. Urgh! We were happy, you know?”

“Are you not happy now?”

...

Robert let Aaron take the lead. As soon as Pete dropped him off, Robert had let Aaron set the boundaries. There had been no contact until they got into the living room. Aaron stopped walking and asked very quietly for a glass of water. Robert tried to step round him to get it but was pulled back into a hug; his boyfriend crying into his shoulder. He whispered words of comfort and ran a hand down his back. 

When Aaron released him, they both moved to the sofa. Robert suddenly hit with memories of that devastating night in January. Tears pricked at his own eyes and he shook his head to try and refocus. He only realised that he was still standing when Aaron blinked up at him,

“Will you...” his boyfriend started tentatively, his eyes flicking to the space beside him. 

Robert smiled softly and took his place next to Aaron, doing what he wasn’t able to do last time and holding him. Despite the situation, Aaron wanting his protective arm around his shoulder made Robert feel warm. It made him feel loved. Someone trusted him.

But there still was the situation. Robert gently took hold of Aaron’s hand. “What happened?” he whispered. 

He felt Aaron take a few shuddering breaths, “We were in Bar West...”

...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued support.
> 
> I am particularly fond of this chapter....I am going somewhere with this btw. Promise. May just seem a bit floopy at the moment. I don't know. Lol.

“Are you not happy now?”

“..it's been a difficult week.”

“Ok, ok, let’s rephrase- are you unhappy?”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“But, I..”

“Aaron, are you unhappy with your life now?”

“I...no. 

“But you just told me you've had a difficult week?”

“Are you trying to wind me up?”

“No. No. Look, Aaron, why don’t you tell me why you said you were not unhappy?”

“Why I am not unhappy?”

“Yes.”

“Ok...well...Robert."

...

Aaron had been watching his boyfriend check himself out in their bedroom mirror for the last five minutes. He wasn't too interested at first, merely glancing over the top of his newspaper but the more Robert frowned and faffed, the more Aaron couldn’t tear his eyes away. It got to a point where he couldn’t keep his mouth shut either,

“What are you doing?” 

Robert swung around as if he had forgotten Aaron was still in the bed behind him. He narrowed his eyes but then realised what he was being asked. He turned back to the mirror and huffed,

“There is a piece of hair sticking out in the wrong damn direction.”

“Is that it?” Aaron scoffed, rolling his eyes as Robert continued to pull on the front of his hair.

“It’s driving me mad.” 

Aaron shook his head fondly and shook out a crease in his newspaper, “Just use some of my gel.”

“God no,” Robert wrinkled his nose, “You use enough for the both of us already.” He was unprepared for the pillow that came flying into his head. “Oi!” he exclaimed, turning to glare at Aaron, who just shrugged innocently. 

Robert raised his eyes to the heavens and then twisted to look in the mirror again, “Oh thanks a lot! Now every bloody hair is messed up!”

Aaron laughed then he dropped his newspaper and crawled to the end of the bed near Robert, close enough to whisper in his ear, “Aw, well, if it's already messed up, I can think of a fun way to mess it up even more.”

Robert side-eyed his boyfriend trying and failing to be annoyed with him. Especially when sex was on the table. Or the bed. He ended up lunging forward for a kiss, taking Aaron by surprise so they both ended up a chuckling heap.

“Come on then,” Robert smirked, once they’d composed themselves, “Show me what you've got.”

So Aaron did. 

 

...

“...Well...Robert. Obviously. And Liv. She's great. She's really settled in now.”

...

 

Liv tapped her pencil on the table as she glared down at the sheet of paper in front of her, “It’s no use. I'm gonna have to use a calculator.”

“Go and get one then,” Aaron shrugged, blowing across his cup in an attempt to cool his tea down. He was leaning against the counter top. The same counter top that Liv’s phone was sitting on. She got up to get it.

“Erm, what do you think you are doing?” Aaron asked, placing a hand over his sister’s phone so she couldn’t take it.

Liv pulled a face, “Er..using a calculator.”

“No, no,” Aaron told her, shaking his head, “Go upstairs and get your actual calculator.”

“Why?” Liv frowned. “There is one on here. Or have you dinosaurs not worked that out yet?” she added cheekily.

Aaron looked at her pointedly, “You are not using your phone as a calculator because all you'll do is start texting Gabby and then your homework will never get done.”

Liv tried to keep up her attitude but then her shoulders dropped, “Oh come on, Aaron, maths is boring and I just wanna know if she's free tonight.”

“Ah,” Aaron picked up her phone and used it to gesture at her, “But if you don’t get your maths done, you won’t be free tonight so what’s the point?”

Liv stared at him for a few seconds before huffing and turning on her heals, “Fine. I'll go and get a calculator.” She walked out of the room but Aaron could still hear her ranting up the stairs. He set her phone back down and smiled. 

 

...

“...She's really settled in now. And my mum. We've come a long way.”

...

 

“Oop, we have some post for a Mr. Aaron Dingle,” Chas said smiling as she handed it over to her son.

Aaron rolled his eyes but there was a smile ghosting at his lips, “Mum, you don’t always have to do that.”

“I know,” Chas nodded, “But I still love seeing it. And hearing it.”

Aaron looked down at his letters. At the name. Dingle. His name. He found he couldn’t disagree, “Yeah...so do I.”

Chas bent over and kissed the top of her son’s head then she continued to make her breakfast, “So, anything interesting, Mr Dingle?”

Aaron flicked through, “Nah...boring stuff as usual. Although there's sale on at B&Q.”

“Oh,” Chas said, glancing at him whilst buttering her toast, “You can come with me to get that paint then.”

“If it's on offer,” Aaron said, reading over the booklet.

Chas slid in the chair next to him, “No harm in bobbing in to see. You free this aft?”

Aaron nodded, “Yeah.” He reached across to pinch a slice of toast only to have his hand slapped.

“Oi! Get your own,” Chas told him with a laugh, pulling her plate in closer. 

“Fine,” Aaron scoffed. He stood up, “Do you want a brew?”

“Go on then,” Chas smiled, biting into her toast.

 

...

“...We've come a long way. And Paddy’s back. I was worried, you know, but I think we're alright.”

...

 

Paddy was sat opposite Aaron in one of the Woolpack booths. 

“Pierce. Piiieeeerccce,” Paddy hissed out like a snake before huffing, “See even his name is annoying.”

“You’re annoying,” Aaron said flatly.

Paddy took no notice. “Do you think I should grow face fuzz?”

Aaron nearly choked on his pint, “Face fuzz?”

“Yeah, you know,” Paddy reached over to rub Aaron’s chin, “this.”

Aaron batted his hand away, “Get off! And don’t ever say ‘face fuzz’ again.”

“Well,” Paddy sighed, “It works for Pierce. And for you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron said, sarcastically, “’cos that's why Rhona is with Pierce: his stubble. And Robert... actually, he does like my beard.”

“See!” Paddy's eyes lit up in victory, “See!”

Aaron narrowed his eyes, “Paddy , can you even grow-“

“I can grow a beard,” Paddy interrupted, insulted.

“Ok, ok,” Aaron held his hands up.

There was a pause.

“I think,” Paddy said, biting his lip.

“Right,” Aaron bobbed his head.

“Probably.”

“Yup.”

Another pause.

“I think I need a new plan.”

“Definitely.”

...

 

“...I think we're alright. And then there is Adam. He’s always been there. Cain. Even Charity.’

“Sounds like you have a lot of good people in your life.”

“’Good’ maybe pushing it for some of them.”

“Where were these people during this last week?”

...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating. I should be back on track now tho. Thanks again for support.

“Robert told them. Well, my mum, Paddy and Cain.”

“And you allowed that?”

“I wasn’t... everybody ends up finding everything out anyway. I thought he was fussing too much. I don’t know what he said.”

...

“Look, Sugden are you going to get to why we're here or what?” Cain folded his arms at the table. 

Chas smacked his arm, “Shut-up.” She'd known something was wrong from the atmosphere that morning but Aaron had ducked out quickly, dodging any questions. Then when Robert asked if he could have a word, she got nervous which wasn’t helped when Cain arrived saying Robert had text him. 

“I have a garage to run-“ Cain started but Chas glared at him. At the same moment the backroom door opened and Paddy came through.

Now Chas was really worried, she looked towards Robert who was leaning against the counter top, “You text Paddy? Robert, what is this?”

Paddy ventured further into the room, “Where’s Aaron? He said he needed help.”

Robert winced slightly and glanced down, “Yeah, sorry, that was me. I used his phone. Wasn’t sure you'd come if it was me.”

Paddy stared at him, clearly unimpressed, “What are you playing at?”

“We’ve yet to find that out,” Cain huffed impatiently earning himself another smack from Chas. 

“Robert, come on!” she said, eyes pleading to be put out of their misery.

Robert shook his head and gestured to Paddy, “You wanna sit down?”

Paddy frowned, “No, I don’t wanna...ok, I'll sit.” Chas's glare was not a force to be reckoned with so Paddy took the seat next to her.

Robert rubbed a tired hand down his face and sighed, “Look, before I start, Aaron has agreed to me telling you this, he's not happy about it but-“

“You shouldn’t force him into decisions,” Paddy stated, still unable to leave off thinking the worst of Robert.

Cain rolled his eyes, “Sugden just spit it out.”

“Last night, when Aaron was out with Adam, Vic and Finn, someone grabbed him in the toilets.” Robert’s voice started strong but ended up almost like a reluctant whisper. Chas and Paddy's eyes widened. Cain sat forward instantly,

“You what?” 

Robert closed and opened his eyes, “He, erm, he was washing his hands and this guy was watching him. He came onto Aaron, Aaron said he had a boyfriend, tried to walk round him and this guy’s pulled him back so Aaron kneed him and ran.”

“That bastard,” Chas gritted.

“Do we know who he is?” Cain asked, already formulating ideas to make him pay.

Paddy watched Robert pinch the bridge of his nose and couldn’t help but see the concern there, “How is he?” 

Robert dropped his hand and looked at Paddy before shaking his head, “I don’t know. He wasn’t good last night.”

“How do you mean?” Cain frowned.

“He phoned Pete for a ride home and threw up along the way. Then he sobbed his heart out.”

Chas could already feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, “But he’s been doing so well.”

Cain reached across and squeezed her hand, “Hey, come on, sis. He'll be alright. Right?” He flicked his eyes to Robert for confirmation.

Robert shrugged, “I think he will be...”

“But?” Paddy sensed it as the younger man trailed off and started finding the floor interesting. 

Flicking his eyes upwards quickly, Robert decided to be honest, “I’m worried that he's not taking it seriously.”

Cain narrowed his eyes, “You just said...”

“I know, I know,” Robert thought for a moment about how to explain himself, “He has connected all this to Gordon.”

“We’ve all done that,” Chas said, closing her eyes as she struggled to take it in.

“Yes, but it's like as though, he doesn’t see that what happened was bad enough. He thinks he's overreacted to nothing,” Robert half smiled sadly, “He kept apologising.”

“Some guy laid a grubby hand on him and he thinks it’s nothing?” Cain spat, “Why didn’t you-“

“I tried,” Robert cried out because dammit he had. But his next statement was the heartbreaking truth, “But to him, it is nothing; it was just a hand and he easily stopped the guy. He knows worse. Much worse.”

Chas put her hand to her mouth and sobbed, “Oh God.” Paddy pulled her in for a hug.

Robert almost felt himself crumble, he put his hands on his hips, “Sorry, I-“

“Don’t you be apologising,” Cain cut in firmly, “None of this is your fault either.”

Paddy spoke over Chas's shoulder, “What can we do?”

“Keep an eye out,” Robert shifted on his feet, “Don’t make it obvious because-“

“Hah,” Chas snorted, pulling away from Paddy, “He’d hate that.”

Robert nodded, “Yeah, and to be fair, yes I am worried about how he thinks about it but he could be ok just getting on and we could make it worse by interfering. But...”

“We need to keep an eye,” Cain agreed, repeating Robert's words.

“Yeah.”

“Right,” Paddy said biting his lip, “You don’t think he would-“

“I hope not,” Robert interrupted, knowing exactly what Paddy was asking, “He’s in a good place. I'd like to think he'd come to me. Or one of you. I'm not naive though.”

Chas took a breath, “Do you think Liv should know?”

Robert grimaced, “I thought we could see how the next few days go. He did get some sleep last night and he's at work today so...”

“Probably the best way,” Paddy said, agreeing with the younger man for once, “Hopefully, it'll work out.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Chas asked, in a small voice.

While Cain and Paddy tried to be positive by reminding her how strong her son was, Robert felt a sudden pang of dread in his stomach. 

...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos. You guys are the best. 
> 
> I hope the flitting around isn't too confusing. My brain started writing this from just Aaron's POV but clearly it didn't want to stay that way...

Liv opened the backroom door and peeped her head round. She was relieved to see just Robert sitting at the table and walked further into the room.

Robert looked up from his laptop briefly, “Hey, you alright?” He carried on typing and looked up again when he didn’t get an answer. Liv was biting her lip and fiddling with the zip on her jacket. He frowned at her, “Liv?”

“Robert...” Liv began tentatively, “I, erm, I think there’s something going on with Aaron.”

Robert's eyes went wide and he felt his stomach start to flip. It had been three days since the incident and Aaron had been seeming fine; he had almost let himself believe they were out of the woods. He forced out a calm voice, “What do you mean?” 

Liv bobbed her head and then moved to sit down. She took a breath, “I was only doing it for a laugh. I swear I never meant to upset him.”

Robert narrowed his eyes, “What happened?”

“I saw him lying on the sofa and decided to try and make him jump by going in for a tickle,” Liv said quietly. She shrugged and said a little louder, “I mean, I've done it before.”

It was true. Liv and Aaron had moments of being young and daft in the only way siblings could be and Robert usually watched on in amusement, when he wasn’t dragged into it at least. He didn’t now smile though, he closed his eyes because he had a horrible sense of where this was going.

Liv continued, “He backed away from me, Rob. He tried to cover it up but I could tell...,” She wiped her eyes as they filled with tears, “I’d actually scared him.”

Robert opened his eyes again and reached across the table to take Liv's hands in his. He squeezed them and she offered him a small smile in response.

“First of all, this isn’t your fault, ok? He isn’t upset because of you,” Robert told her, and he was pleased to see her give a small nod, “And also, thank you for telling me-“

“I always said I would,” Liv said, firmly. 

“I know, I know,” Robert smiled at her. There had been a conversation, quite some time ago, where Aaron had told Liv about his scars. However, after it, Liv had needed more answers and so she had approached Robert and Chas. She was told that she didn’t need to worry but if she ever did have concerns she should go to them again. 

“Robert, is he? Is he...you don’t think he is...”

“No, Liv, no,” Robert shook his head, “I don’t think he is.” The ‘yet’ went unspoken. Robert could see each night that Aaron wasn’t self-harming at the moment because he wasn’t hiding his body but after being told that he was flinching away from his little sister, the sense of dread returned. Plus, there were other ways of self-harming; he grimaced slightly as he remembered Aaron throwing up from running. 

“Then what's wrong?” Liv asked, bringing Robert out of his own thoughts.

Robert looked at her and squeezed her hands again, “You know Aaron went out the other night?”

Liv nodded slowly, “Yeah, with Adam? And Vic was doing her whole ‘Get Finn a Boyfriend' thing?’

Robert snorted lightly and then became serious again, “Someone upset Aaron in the club.”

“Upset how?”

“They...said somethings that brought back bad memories,” Robert couldn’t bare to tell the young girl the full truth. Although it was clear from how she pulled her hands away from him and hunched over that she knew what ‘bad memories' he meant. His heart broke as he watched her; a fourteen year old trying to wrap her head around something no-one should ever have to and something that perhaps no-one ever could. He had to close his eyes and fight back his own tears when he thought again about Aaron having to live through it. 

Suddenly there were hands over his own. He opened his eyes to see that Liv had reached back over the table, “What can I do to help?” she asked.

Robert sniffed and smiled at her, “You carry on, ok?”

“Robert...”

“No, Liv,” Robert said, gentle but firm at the same time, “He needs you to be as normal as possible, ok? He'll be upset to think that he's worried you.”

Liv glanced down, “He did say sorry a lot before. Said I'd just made him jump but it was more than that. It was.”

“I believe you, Liv,” Robert sighed, “And I am glad you told me.”

“Will you tell him?”

“I’m not sure,” Robert told her honestly. He needed time to think about how to handle it. 

“He will be alright though,” Liv said, sounding a quite positive. Robert tilted her head at this newfound confidence. Liv smiled at him and tapped her hands on his arm, “Because he has us. And we won’t let him down.”

Robert allowed a smile back and found that it was easier than he thought it would be; perhaps Liv was right. They could get through this together.


	9. Chapter 9

“Things weren’t as bad as I thought they would be, you know. My mum and Paddy asked a few more questions and Cain came round and stared at me...”

“Excuse me?”

“Ah, yeah, Cain likes to stare at you until you talk.”

“Interesting approach.”

“Cain is an interesting bloke.”

“Ok...so you were ok?”

“Yeah, well, yeah... I just got on with stuff. Robert was Robert. He's always just Robert. God, I love him for that. And I thought I had put it behind me.”

“What happened?”

“I, erm, I...Liv.”

...

Robert had tried to carry on working after Liv had left for Gabby’s but his brain wasn’t focussed on the task at hand. He was thinking about Aaron. He wasn’t sure whether he needed to let Aaron know Liv was worried. That he was worried. Still worried. But then, would that make Aaron feel guilty? Robert shook his head as he poured water into his cup, of course it would make Aaron feel guilty. Aaron’s biggest enemy was Aaron. He couldn’t just ignore it though. He was lost in thought slowly stirring sugar into his coffee when the backroom door opened and Aaron came inside,

“Hey,” Aaron offered. He'd stopped by the table and was pulling at his jumper sleeves.

Robert looked up and just like with Liv he could immediately sense something wasn’t right. He dropped his spoon in his coffee and walked towards his boyfriend. “Everything ok?” he tried to keep his voice as light as possible.

Aaron sighed and glanced down to the floor, “I, erm, I...upset Liv, Rob.” Robert's eyes widened but as Aaron decided to look up at him properly, he tried to adopt a more neutral expression. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, but I just...she shocked me.”

This, Robert hadn’t expected. He never considered Aaron would come to him. Not because of a lack of trust but because of Aaron's understandable but sometimes unhealthy want to try and forget things ever happened. Still, Robert should have known that if Aaron thought he'd upset Liv, it would hit particularly hard.

Robert held his hands out and after a nod from Aaron he wrapped him up in his arms and swayed them slightly. 

When they pulled apart, Aaron wiped his eyes, “You know, don’t you?”

“Liv told me.”

“Was she...is she alright?” 

Robert nodded but decided to be honest, “She’s worried about you.”

Aaron sniffed, “I didn’t mean to-“

“I know, I know,” Robert took one of Aaron’s partially jumper covered hands in his and kissed it, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Aaron shrugged and Robert was about to say something else when the younger man’s eyes widened, “You know, that's all, right? I am ok, Robert. I haven’t...I haven’t done anything.”

Robert ran soothing hands down Aaron's arms, “I know. Or I hoped I did.”

The younger man relaxed under his boyfriend’s touch and he sighed, “You can check, if you want?”

“Later,” Robert whispered because although he did believe Aaron, a part of him wouldn’t rest until he had seen evidence. 

Aaron lent forward and gave Robert a kiss, “I’m fine, Robert. Ok, so I had a blip with Liv but telling you has helped and I will talk to her.”

“We can do it together,” Robert told him with a smile. 

...

“Liv rang that night and asked if she could stay at her mates.”

“So you didn’t talk to her?”

“No.”

“Did you and Robert talk anymore?”

“...”

“Aaron?”

“He has seen my scars so many times. He never makes me feel I need to hide them.”

“That’s good.”

“That night though. It felt like...it felt like they were burning.” 

...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am overwhelmed that I have reached over 200 kudos for this. Thank you ever so much for reading. 
> 
> Things are set to take a turn...

Aaron lay awake. He could hardly hear the soft sound of Robert breathing next to him in the bed. His own thoughts were racing too much. His head pounding. 

His scars burning. 

He wanted them gone. He wanted to claw his own skin off. Those scars were causing people to worry. Worry that he would do it again.

He wanted to do it again. 

He risked a glance at Robert but couldn’t stand looking at him for long. Tears formed in his eyes and he fought to keep quiet and still. He didn’t deserve his beautiful boyfriend. His beautiful, attentive boyfriend who worried about him. 

Robert deserved better. 

They all did. His boyfriend, his sister, his mum.

They deserved to be happy and Aaron couldn’t do happy. This proved it. This stupid, overreaction to the smallest of incidents. 

Nothing happened. The guy barely touched him and Aaron lashed out. 

Aaron always lashes out. Aaron hurts people. 

Aaron had to leave that bed. 

He quietly shifted in order to leave and felt Robert move beside him. Beautiful and attentive.

“Aaron? You ok?” Worried. 

Aaron closed his eyes and forced his voice to be as normal as he could manage, “Yeah, want a glass of water.”

“Hmmm…” Robert cracked an eye open so Aaron smiled slightly. He hoped the darkness would hide the fact that it wasn’t real.

“Go back to sleep,” Aaron said, briefly braving leaning in to give Robert a kiss. It worked. Robert closed his eye again and huddled under the covers. 

Aaron left the room and stood in the hallway shaking. A noise from Charity’s room made him move. He had to get out. 

…

“I ended up down the street in just…in just a t-shirt and boxers. I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“You must have been scared.”

“…terrified.”

…

Finn turned his stereo down as he reached the village. He could just imagine Pearl having something to say about being woken up by loud, obnoxious music. Although, Hans Zimmer was not obnoxious. He lent forward slightly in order to see better out of the front window; it was another rainy night in Yorkshire. He could see his cottage coming into view and was all set for parking up after a long but successful day at the taxi wheel when a figure appeared in his headlights. 

Finn frowned as he slowed down and strained to take a closer look, “Aaron?” he whispered aloud as he recognised the man. 

Why was Aaron wandering the streets, late at night, half dressed, in the rain?

Finn pulled in and put the handbrake on.

He got out of the car and winced as the rain immediately hit. Hitching his jacket over his head, he set off towards the other man.

“Aaron?” he called. The other man carried on. 

“Aaron?” Finn tried again. A little louder. Still nothing. 

Managing to catch up, he reached out and touched Aaron’s shoulder. 

…


	11. Chapter 11

Finn couldn’t have been more pleased that his brothers were still up watching TV.

“Hey! How was your last…what the hell happened to you?” Pete frowned as his dishevelled brother came to stand in front of them. He was soaking wet, dirty down one side and breathing heavily. 

“Aaron pushed me over, I-“ Finn started.

Ross sat forward, “Aaron did this?”

Finn nodded but then shook his head as Ross rose off the sofa, anger already etched onto his face, “No, Ross, he didn’t mean to.”

Pete narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean?”

Finn wiped at his face, “Something’s wrong.”

“You’re not kidding,” Ross growled as he turned towards the door.

“No, Ross!” Finn shouted after him causing his older brother to stop. He huffed out a breath, “There is something really wrong with him, ok? We have to help.”

Ross turned back unable to ignore the anguish in his younger brother’s voice. Pete stood up and put a supportive arm on Finn’s shoulder.

Finn sighed, “He is out there with just a t-shirt and boxers on. I…er…” He looked down and Pete, thinking back to the other night, thought he understood where his brother was heading,

“Did you touch him?”

“His shoulder, yeah,” Finn looked at Pete questioningly but then the memory of what happened next flashed through his head, “He span round so fast. His arms were up and I wasn’t quick enough. He caught me and I stumbled.” He took a shuddering breath, “But…”

“But?” Ross prompted.

“He said ‘No, dad, no”

Pete pulled his little brother into a hug and spoke to Ross over his shoulder, “Right, Ross, you go see if you can find Aaron.”

For once, Ross didn’t argue. He could tell this was serious. “Ok,” he agreed, reaching for his coat off a nearby chair, “Where was he headed?”

Pete released Finn so he could answer, “Towards the bridge.”

Ross nodded and moved to the door, only to bump straight into his dad.

“What’s going on?” James asked, looking between his sons.

“I’ll let them explain,” Ross said, gesturing backwards and then leaving the house.

James took in the state of his youngest and then looked to Pete for an explanation.

Pete had begun shrugging his own coat on, “Dad, you look after Finn. He’ll fill you in.”

“Where are you going?” James asked.

“The pub.”

…


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be on a little updating binge but this will be the last chapter tonight. 
> 
> Cheers for the support everyone. Love to all :-)

Robert stretched out across the bed. He ran a hand across the mattress. It was like a switch flipped in his head and his eyes flew open. There was a space where Aaron should be. He forced himself to calm down and think. 

A glass of water. 

He threw on a T-shirt and headed downstairs. 

There were no lights on. Robert put them on and was in an immediate state of panic as he saw no Aaron in the backroom. 

“Aaron?” he shouted loudly, not caring if he woke anyone, “Aaron?”

He searched around the room, only stopping when a disgruntled Charity appeared, “What the hell are you doing?”

Chas appeared behind her, blinking in the light and wrapping her dressing gown around herself.

“Aaron’s gone,” Robert said, looking at Chas with wide-eyed fear.

“What? What do mean?” Chas stepped round Charity, who was gesturing for Noah to go back upstairs.

“I, er...he's gone,” Robert threw his hands up behind his head, “He said he was getting a drink of water but the lights weren’t even on and-“

Chas’s stomach flipped, “Ok...ok...we have to go and search for him.”

“But it’s raining out there,” Charity pointed out.

Robert glared at her but then nodded at Chas, “I’ll go one-“

A loud banging at the door startled them. Charity glanced between Chas and Robert. They both seemed frozen to the spot.

She answered the door.

“Pete?” She said in surprise but he ignored her and walked straight into the backroom.

Robert took one look at him, “Where’s Aaron?”

Pete told them what he knew. 

...

 

Ross found Aaron on the bridge. He was in a bad way. Drenched, arms wrapped tightly around himself and visibly shaking.

Not quite knowing what to do but knowing what not to do, Ross stood a few feet away. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before settling on saying the man's name, “Aaron? Aaron?”

The younger man heard him and turned sharply. Ross held his hands up. 

“It’s just me, Ross” he shrugged trying to keep his voice light.

Aaron stared at him and then sniffed, “You shot Robert.”

Ross did not expect that response. He dropped his hands, rather startled by it.

“Just do one, Ross,” Aaron stated firmly, turning his head away.

“Afraid I can’t do that,” Ross replied, almost selfishly wishing that he could. He'd never felt more out of his depth and that was saying something.

Aaron bit his lip and backed away slightly.

“Look,” Ross started, not entirely sure where he was going, “Look, we're both getting soaked here, why don’t...why don’t we get somewhere warm, eh?” 

There was no reaction. Ross wasn’t sure what his next move would be. 

Then Aaron spoke so quietly, “Paddy.”

Ross lent forward to hear but that caused Aaron to flinch so he stood back up again, “Sorry, mate, I didn’t hear that.”

“Paddy,” Aaron said louder this time, “I need to see Paddy.”

...

 

“Why Paddy?”

“My dad hurt me. He found it hard to love me. If he ever did. But Paddy? I've hurt him so much, more than most, but, but, he's always loved me. Like a dad should. I needed to know why? And...”

“And?”

“After thinking Finn was... Gordon, I wanted to be near the first man I ever trusted would keep me safe.”

 

...

 

Ross nodded slowly, “I can take you to see him. He's still at Marlon’s, yeah?”

Aaron nodded back, rain dripping off his nose.

Ross was about to step forward, suddenly grateful he had a proper useful purpose, but then he remembered so instead he pointed to behind Aaron, “It's that way. Come on, let’s go.”

Aaron turned and walked. Ross followed and it was only then that he realised the poor man had no shoes on either.

...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all awesome for reading. All feedback is much appreciated :-)

Ross knocked on the door again and huffed out a breath. He was cold so he didn’t want to think about how Aaron was feeling.

The door swung open and an unhappy Marlon was behind it. He threw his hands up, “Ross? Do have any idea what-“

“Is Paddy in?” Ross asked, cutting in firmly.

Marlon stopped mid-rant and blinked, “Why would you want Paddy?”

“I don’t,” Ross replied and he stepped aside so Aaron came into view behind him, "He does."

“Aaron?” Marlon squinted into the rainy night.

“Aaron?” Paddy questioned, appearing at the door beside Marlon. He froze in horror as he looked out and saw the younger man. He was a mess.

Aaron’s eyes met Paddy’s and Ross stepped further aside as Aaron lunged forwards and threw his arms round the older man. Paddy instantly snapped back to reality and put a hand on Aaron's back, pulling him inside the house, all the while whispering words of comfort in his ear. 

Marlon and Ross hung back a moment.

Carly was coming down the stairs, “Who is it? April is still asleep, she could sleep through- Oh my.” She stopped talking as she caught sight of Aaron in Paddy’s arms.

Paddy looked at her over the young man’s shoulder, “Carly, would you mind getting some towels, please? And a dressing gown or something?”

Carly nodded, only hesitating slightly before heading back up the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible.

Marlon gestured for Ross to follow him in to the kitchen, where the man told him what he knew before he left them alone. Ross glanced over to Aaron one last time before leaving; he was being wrapped carefully in towels by Paddy. The older man gave him a nod of thanks and he smiled in return. However, he couldn't help but be relieved his part was over. 

…

Chas, Robert and Pete were all set to go out searching for Aaron when Chas’ phone rang.

“It’s Marlon?” Chas told a narrow-eyed Robert before she answered, “Marlon?....he’s with Paddy…Oh thank God…we’ll be there asap-“

“Marlon?” Robert took the phone out of Chas’ hand, “Yeah…is he hurt…physically, I mean…yeah…yeah…Ross did…what…ok…ok…listen, we’ll give them some space, ok? Tell him…tell him…we’re here when he is ready, ok? And we love him…right? Ok…Ok…bye.”

Robert ended the phone call and was faced with a barrage of anger from Chas,

“What the hell was that Robert?” She gestured wildly at him, “We need to be there with him! Well, I’m going anyway.” She turned on her heels.

Robert pinched the bridge of his nose and shouted after her, “No! No you’re not!”

Chas spun back round, “Err, excuse me, I’m his mum!”

“Yeah, I know and I’m his boyfriend!” Robert shot back before sighing and taking a step forward, “Look, Chas, I want nothing more than to be with him and to know that he is ok-“

“Let’s go then,” Chas almost pleaded.

“But,” Robert continued, “As much as a hate to admit it, he must have left here…us… for a reason. He must want to be with Paddy. And we know he is safe with him.”

Chas blinked and looked away as the truth of Robert’s words washed over her. Charity stepped forward and rubbed her arm,

“He’s right,” Charity said quietly.

Chas nodded slowly, “I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Come here,” Charity said as she pulled her cousin into a hug.

Robert sat down heavily on the sofa and held his head in his hands. An unexpected hand on his back made him look up again,

“Can I get you anything?” Pete asked kindly.

Robert blinked at the question, he had forgotten Pete was even there. He couldn't answer though as suddenly the events of the evening caught up with him. He let out a sob. Pete sat down next to him and pulled him in for a hug. 

…


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for the amazing support. Probably sound like a broken record now but I really am touched by it.

Aaron was curled up on the sofa, lying on his side, with his eyes closed. Paddy nodded at Carly who was stood to the side,

“Could you just watch him a second?” he asked and then he gestured to Marlon who was stood in the doorway. Carly nodded back so Paddy lent down and whispered something to Aaron before leading his friend from the room. 

When they reached the kitchen, Paddy turned to Marlon, “So…are they on their way over?”

Marlon shook his head, “No.”

Paddy narrowed his eyes, “No?”

“No, erm, Chas said they were but then Robert took the phone. He said…he said that they’d give you some space and to tell Aaron that they love him.”

“Ok,” Paddy rubbed a hand across his head and tried to take everything in.

“Listen,” Marlon shifted awkwardly, “Ross said that Finn found Aaron first but when he tried to touch his shoulder, he thought, well, he thought Finn was Gordon.”

Paddy’s eyes widened and he stared at his friend for a moment. 

Marlon ducked his head, “Paddy, you don’t think, whatever this is, is because of Robert?”

That made Paddy snap out of it, “What? No! No, no!”

“Well, I’m sorry Paddy but you know what he’s-”

“No, Marlon, no,” Paddy said, huffing out a breath, “Look, I might not like the lad. Don’t like him at all actually but he wouldn’t hurt Aaron. Not now. He really does love him.”

Marlon looked suitably chastised, “Right, yeah, sorry…”

“No,” Paddy said, ignoring his friend as his brain turned things over, “This will probably be because of the other night.”

“The other night?”

“Yeah,” Paddy looked at Marlon’s questioning face and shook his head, “Look, I best get back in there.”

“Right, yeah,” Marlon nodded understanding but then as Paddy started to pass him he asked, “He’s going to be alright?”

Paddy sighed, “He’s scared. I don’t think he’s lost the plot- he called me a ‘soft idiot’, you know, in between the apologising.”

“Oh well, he’s not confused then,” Marlon snorted, trying to lighten the mood but knowing really that it wasn’t the time. He reached out and patted his friend’s arm, “We’re only upstairs, you know, if you need….and let him know that we love him.”

Paddy smiled gratefully, “I will.”

…

“Paddy didn’t push me to talk that night.”

“No?”

“No, and I don’t remember much. I remember Carly being nice though.”

…

Carly stood awkwardly, looking at the space Paddy had left, not quite sure what to do. She’d helped as best she could with the warming up process but since it involved Aaron having to strip, she’d also kept to a distance. She respected that the younger man probably only wanted Paddy near. However, she couldn’t help that she’d caught a glimpse of the scars littering the young man’s torso. She swallowed as she remembered how Paddy had stopped in question and Aaron had shook his head in answer. He’d got upset again though and Paddy had to gently prise his hands away from his middle. A sniff caused her thoughts to return back to the room and she looked down. Aaron had his eyes open,

“You, erm, are you warm enough?” She asked, worrying her lip with her teeth.

Aaron flicked his eyes up and her and gave the smallest of nods.

“Good…good.” She gestured to the fluffy dressing gown Aaron was wearing “I bought Marlon that,” she told him for want of filling the silence, “Don’t know why I bothered though? He still wears his ratty old one.”

That earned her the tiniest of smiles. She smiled back but then couldn’t help but glance towards the kitchen to see if Paddy was on his way back.

Aaron’s voice was a quiet surprise, “Robert bought me one.”

Carly’s eyes darted back to him instantly and she raised her eyebrows, “Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he closed his eyes, “I said I liked the one at the hotel.”

“Oh,” Carly snorted lightly, “You sure he didn’t just steal one for you then?”

Aaron’s eyes shot open and he glared at her before he too snorted, “Actually wouldn’t put that past him.” 

Carly smiled, pleased that she seemed to be cheering him up, if only in the smallest of ways, but then she frowned as he shivered and tried to pull the gown tighter around his frame. She reached instinctively for the throw on a nearby chair and went to place it over him.

Aaron flinched and Carly almost stopped but then the younger man whispered, “sorry” and “thanks” so she continued to almost tuck him in. 

“You don’t have to be sorry, you know?” Carly told him sincerely, meaning all the apologies he had made since he had been ushered into the house. She crouched down next to him, “We want to help.”

Tears formed in Aaron’s eyes and he swallowed, “I’ve ruined everything.”

Carly shook her head, “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“I tried…I really did…I just…” Aaron squeezed his eyes shut to try and stop himself from crying. He took few shuddering breaths and Carly looked towards the kitchen again, considering shouting for Paddy but then the two men appeared.

Paddy rushed around the sofa at the stricken look on Carly’s face and immediately took over trying to sooth his surrogate son. 

Carly moved to stand by Marlon, who put an arm around her. With one last look at Paddy and Aaron, they went back upstairs. 

…


	15. Chapter 15

Pete ended up staying to make tea with Charity’s help. She thanked him in the kitchen, he shrugged and said ‘no problem’. 

They both paused before they re-entered the living room. Chas was on a chair hugging a cushion to her chest and Robert was on the sofa, elbows resting on his knees. They were both staring in to space, their minds obviously playing things over and over again. 

Pete nudged Charity back into action and the drinks were handed over. 

No-one spoke for a good few minutes. Pete was beginning to wonder if he should take his cue to leave, when Robert’s voice carried into the room,

“I didn’t have the best of childhoods, you know,” he said, shrugging. All eyes fell on him, confused about where he was going. He continued without looking at anyone in return, “I lost my parents young. It stays with you.” He ran a hand through his hair, “But death is a part of life, isn’t it? Everyone suffers a loss at some stage.”

“Robert, what are you-?” Charity glanced between Robert and Chas, who was beginning to narrow her eyes at her son’s boyfriend.

Robert ignored her and carried on, “But Aaron.” He closed his eyes, “Aaron’s childhood. Aaron’s life. I just…” He sat upright and shook his head, “I googled for help. How bad is that? I mean, it took me about 10 minutes to work out what to type into google because…well, because. I think I went with ‘abuse victim’.”

“I’ve done it,” Chas said, taking them by surprise. Robert’s eyes shot to her and she nodded, “I wanted to help.”

“It makes sense,” Pete said in support and Charity hummed her agreement.

Robert sighed, “Some of it was helpful but some of it…Aaron is my boyfriend. It’s not like that all the time. Despite everything he’s been through, it’s not always there. We…I…I get annoyed with him because he eats toast in bed and gets crumbs everywhere, he wears far too much gel in his hair, he has an inability to wear matching socks- “black’s black,” he says even though they are different and, and…”

“He gets moody if you accidently put one of his precious magazines in the recycling,” Chas smiled, understanding where Robert was coming from. She wiped at her eyes, “He’s our Aaron.”

Robert smiled back at her, “Exactly. But the internet..." He swallowed, "It’s horrendous reading. I had to stop.”

Chas closed her eyes, “It’s heart-breaking.”

"And he has been through so much more," Robert said, sadly, "Even before we knew about Gordon."

"I can't..." Chas took some shuddery breaths and Charity placed her hands in hers and squeezed.

“He needs help,” Robert stated plainly, “I can give him love. We all can. But is that enough?”

Pete opened his mouth but then paused. Charity caught it,

“What?" She asked him.

“I, erm, has Aaron tried therapy?” Pete finally asked.

Chas and Robert looked at each other. 

…


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really touched by the feedback on the last chapter. You are all wonderful for your continuing support. Think we are starting to come near to the end now...

Aaron blinked his eyes open and took a minute to work out where he was. He closed his eyes as memories of the previous evening swam in his head. He started to try and sit up and found that he ached everywhere like he was coming down with a cold. Rain. He’d been out in the rain. He’d walked away. 

He rested his head in his hands and focussed on breathing.

“My dad says you’re not well,” a chirpy voice came from in front of him.

Opening his eyes again, Aaron came face to face with April. He looked at her and blinked. “I guess, I’m not,” he shrugged sadly. 

April tilted her head, “He said that something bad happened and you need time.”

Aaron had to turn away from her wide eyed-innocence and bluntness. He rubbed a tired hand down his face.

“I was supposed to leave you alone but,” April shrugged, “You looked weird”

Aaron turned back to look at her and wrinkled his nose, “Weird?”

The young girl mimicked Aaron by putting her head in her hands and breathing quite heavily. Aaron couldn’t help but snort, “Well, if that is how I looked?”

April dropped her hands. “You did,” she assured him quite cheerfully.

“April! April, what did I say?” Marlon called, rushing into the room towards his daughter with Paddy hot on his heels, “Sorry, Aaron…I did tell her to-“

“It’s fine, Marlon,” Aaron stated, “Honestly.” He smiled at April, who had begun to shift on her feet, “She was checking I was ok.”

“Why? Is there something wrong? I’m sorry, Aaron, I should have waited until you woke up-“ Paddy started yammering.

Aaron raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Paddy!” he said firmly cutting the other man off with hint of desperation, “I’m fine.”

Paddy stopped talking but the air was suddenly tense. Aaron had started fiddling with the sleeves of his gown and was now unable to look at anyone. Marlon took hold of April’s shoulders and started guiding her from the room. He glanced at Paddy, “We’ll give you some space.” 

“I hope you feel better,” April shouted over her shoulder as they headed into the kitchen.

Aaron flicked his eyes to Paddy as he sat down in a nearby chair, “Sorry I-“

“It’s ok,” Paddy said, quickly.

“It’s not though is it?” Aaron returned and Paddy knew that he meant so much more than what had just occurred. 

Paddy shook his head. He couldn’t deny it. That wouldn’t help. Instead, he went with a tried and tested opener, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Aaron sighed and shut his eyes, “There was too much.”

“Too much?”

“Too much going on,” Aaron tapped the side of his head, “Up here.”

Paddy hesitated but then asked, “Aaron, does this have anything to do with what happened the other night? At the club?”

Aaron opened his eyes. He stared at Paddy for a few seconds and the older man nearly began speaking again but then Aaron ducked his head, “I can’t go away like my mum did, Paddy. I’m not good on my own. It would be too much like being in prison. I know it’s not prison but…”

“Aaron, I’m not sure I understand,” Paddy said, because he didn’t. He had lent forward so he could hear Aaron better and when he looked at him now, he could clearly see there was a panic in the young man’s blue eyes.

“I need help, don’t I?” Aaron said in explanation.

It took a moment but then Paddy got it. He smiled softly at the younger man then tried to reassure him, “Aaron, you can get help in a way that works for you, you don’t have to go anywhere.”

“I don’t know what will work,” Aaron whispered. 

Paddy nodded and then shrugged. “I don’t think anyone does at first,” he stated, honestly, “But there are many things to be tried and we’ll all be here.”

Aaron blinked and once again tried to fight back tears, “I thought things were getting better.”

Paddy shifted further and reached out to squeeze Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron’s eyes followed his hand but he didn’t move away.

“Things are better,” Paddy told him, “You have so many positive things going on now.”

“But look what’s happened,” Aaron gestured around himself, “I left…I left Robert.” Tears fell freely from his eyes now and wiped them away forcefully, “He was being so brilliant.”

Paddy was surprised that he didn’t even have the slightest want to disagree. Robert had done his best for Aaron. In fact, Paddy was reminded of something,

“Aaron, you may not believe this but I think you are generally getting better, you know?”

Aaron scoffed but Paddy carried on unfazed, “No, listen, every other time you have been…down, you’ve hidden away and tried to cope on your own. Not this time. Aaron, you told Robert what happened the other night. You allowed him to tell us.”

“I shouldn’t have made you worry,” Aaron said, shaking his head.

Paddy squeezed his shoulder again, “No, no, that doesn’t matter. We love you.”

Aaron wrapped his arms around himself and nodded but Paddy could tell there was doubt there. He pulled his son in for a hug and hoped that it would do the talking for him.


	17. Chapter 17

Robert was sat at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee, when his phone rang. He didn’t recognise the number. Chas stopped furiously washing up at the sink and watched him answer,

“Hello?”

“Robert.”

Robert had never been so warmed to hear someone say his name before. He sat forward, closed his eyes and bit his lip to stop himself from coming out with a barrage of questions. He couldn’t help but smile with relief though, 

“Aaron,” he replied softly. He could feel Chas take a step closer.

Aaron’s voice was quiet on the end of the phone, “Robert, I, erm, I…”

Robert opened his eyes and nodded. He knew what his boyfriend was trying to say, “I’ll be round as soon as possible, ok?”

“Ok,” Aaron replied. There was silence and then, “Robert, I’m so-“

“See you soon, Aaron,” Robert interrupted, not wanting to hear those words. There was no need for them.

“Right,” Aaron breathed, “Thanks.”

Robert heard him hang up and then he stood up. He patted his pockets for his keys but then realised he didn’t need them; he could walk. He reached for his jacket, took a step towards the door and then remembered,

“Are you coming with?” Robert asked Chas, feeling momentarily bad for forgetting she was there. 

Chas snorted and smiled at him, “You go and see to your boyfriend, ok? I’ll follow behind- bring some of his clothes and stuff."

Robert blinked at her surprised, “You don’t… you don’t…” He wasn’t quite sure what he was trying to say and he really wanted to get going.

Chas looked at him pointedly, “He rang you, Robert.”

“Yeah but?” Robert shrugged.

“Go,” Chas said firmly, gesturing to the door.

Robert nodded at her gratefully and then left.

Chas was left shaking her head behind him and a few tears ran down her cheeks. There was a time she would have been jealous that Aaron wanted other people before her but now she could see it for what it was; her son was moving on and making a life for himself. She couldn’t stand in the way. Her son had people who loved him. Her son had Robert. Robert who had respected what Aaron needed and wanted. Robert who hadn’t slept a wink all night for worry. Robert who would, like her, do anything he could to help her son.

Chas smiled as she headed upstairs to fetch some of Aaron’s clothes. Despite everything that had happened, she was hopeful things would get better. 

She would interrogate Paddy though. Just to make sure.


	18. Chapter 18

Aaron held the phone in his hands for a moment. He'd been nervous but after hearing Robert's voice, he just wanted him close again. Standing up, he had to take a second to steady himself before he walked slowly into the kitchen; his now socked feet a mass of scratches and sores.

“So?” Paddy said, trying to guess from Aaron’s expression how it had gone. Aaron could feel Marlon and Carly watching him and wished they could be more like April who was busy eating her cereal. 

“Yeah...Robert is...he's on his way over,” Aaron nodded then he held out the phone to Marlon, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Marlon said, taking the phone. He pointed at the kettle, “Do you want a tea? Or a coffee?”

“Coffee. Please,” Aaron replied, giving a small smile. He shifted on his feet feeling awkward; hands digging into the dressing gown pockets. Carly pushed the empty chair next to her outwards and was pleased when Aaron took it. 

April looked up at the man now sat opposite her, “Robert’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” 

Aaron blinked. He briefly flicked his eyes round the table but the others seemed unbothered by the question, so he shrugged, “He is. Yeah.” 

“I have a boyfriend,” April announced. That bothered Marlon.

He turned to his daughter, “Excuse me?”

“Yeah,” April said, pushing her spoon around her bowl, “He's called Tom.”

“Tom?” Carly snorted.

“Tom?” Marlon echoed, scrunching his nose as he realised something, “Hang on...there isn’t a Tom in your class?”

April looked at her dad and rolled her eyes, “I know. He's in the year above.”

“He’s what?” Marlon was wide-eyed.

Carly laughed, “An older man, eh?” She reached out and slapped Marlon’s hip, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No, there isn’t,” Aaron stated without thinking. All eyes were on him again and he gave a shy shrug. Paddy couldn’t help but laugh. 

Marlon, however, pointed between Aaron and Carly, “Right, you two are not helping!”

Carly shared an amused look with Aaron. It felt good to see light in the young man’s eyes. She was about to make another joke to see if she could coax a laugh out of him but there was a knock at the door.

Aaron looked towards Paddy and immediately started to stand. Paddy pushed him gently down into his seat again, 

“I’ll let him in,” Paddy told him, “You rest your feet.” He left for the door.

Aaron bit his lip and nodded. He flicked his eyes nervously to Marlon and Carly who understood that he wanted, needed, them to leave. 

“Right, come on then little lady,” Marlon said to April, while gesturing to the living room, “How about we go out for a walk?”

April pushed her bowl further on to the table and stood, “Can we go to the park with Leo?”

Marlon pretended to debate but then said, “Yeah... don’t see why not.”

“Cool,” April exclaimed as she practically skipped from the room. Marlon and Carly followed after her and Aaron could hear Carly saying, “You could tell us more about this Tom,” on the way down the hall, only for Marlon to groan. Aaron’s only thought though, was Robert. 

…

"I didn't know what I was going to say."

"To Robert?"

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I just...came out with it."

...


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You lot are amazing. Hope you enjoy, continue to enjoy, as we come to a close over the next few chapters.

Paddy opened the door to their expected guest.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Paddy told Robert, letting him into the house. 

“Right,” Robert stated, “Erm...Chas is following with his clothes.”

“Ok,” Paddy said with a nod.

The awkwardness between the two men was interrupted by Marlon, Carly and April bundling their way through. Once they'd said quick hellos and goodbyes and piled out of the door, Robert set off to the kitchen but Paddy stopped him in his tracks,

“Robert, I...” Paddy started but he found he didn’t have the words.

Robert nodded back at him, “Paddy, he needs you. I'm not going to stand in the way of that.”

Paddy nodded back and then he smiled and gestured to behind Robert, “He needs you too.”

Turning around, Robert could see Aaron. He had come to stand at the edge of the kitchen. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Paddy said, making a move to sit down on the sofa.

Robert didn’t even register Paddy speaking. He just looked at Aaron. He hadn’t realised how much he had needed to see the other man. Needed to be with him. He gulped with the relief that he felt. 

Aaron was fidgeting. His eyes flicking downwards. However, Robert only took a few steps and suddenly he had his boyfriend's head burying into his shoulder. On instinct, Robert wrapped his arms around him. 

They stood like that for a few minutes. Both needing the comfort.

It was Aaron who pulled back first. He seemed nervous so Robert reached down and took his hand,

“Aaron, you don’t have to-" he began softly.

Aaron shook his head, took a breath and cut him off, “Robert, I think… I think I need help.”

Robert paused, mouth open. Aaron knew straight away, “You agree, don't you?” he asked, closing his eyes.

…

 

“He told me later that he’d talked about it with my mum.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“I couldn’t blame them but it was still…hard. I felt like I’d let them down.”

“Aaron, everyone needs help sometimes. Would you feel let down if Robert needed help?”

“No. No…but it always seems to be me.”

“You’ve been through a lot, Aaron.”

“…It’s just my life.”

… 

 

“You agree, don’t you?”

Robert knew he had to be honest. “Yeah, I do.” he whispered. He ran his thumb under Aaron’s eyes to catch the tears that fell when he reopened them.

Aaron nodded with a small, sad smile. He looked at their joined hands and then back up at Robert, “Can we talk about it at home though? Please? I don’t wanna-“

Robert interrupted by squeezing his hand and leaning in to kiss his forehead, “Of course we can, ok?”

“Ok,” Aaron said, giving a small smile again.

Robert smiled back then he remembered, “Your mum is bringing clothes. She shouldn’t be long.”

“Right,” Aaron stated. Robert didn’t miss how he tensed,

“She’s alright,” he reassured. He really didn’t want Aaron to feel any guilt but knew it would be a struggle. Still, Robert had to try so as Aaron became very interested in the floor, he gently tilted his head back up, “Hey, none of that, there's no need, ok?”

Aaron shrugged but in doing so he also shivered. Robert narrowed his eyes in concern,

“You cold?” 

“No,” Aaron said but Robert gave him a look, “A bit.”

Robert shook his head and pulled Aaron back into a hug, “Better?” he whispered into Aaron’s hair.

Aaron rubbed his chin against his neck in reply.

…


End file.
